We Need Grace -- Because Real Life Isn't Always Fun

"Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ," (1 Corinthians 1:3 NASB).

How's your school year going?

I hope you are having a joy-filled, lovely year with your children. Those dear ones that God has blessed you with, who fill up your home with love and laughter and messes. The ones you prayed for and are thankful for and are grateful for the chance to have at home with you to educate in the ways of the Lord.

But sometimes it isn't easy, is it? And it can be downright hard. Maybe you are discouraged and feel frustrated and are wondering whether you made a mistake in choosing this home educating path.

Can I tell you something? You are not alone.

Even the seasoned (that sounds better than older) homeschooling moms still struggle. Not just with balancing things or with keeping the house clean, but also with wanting to ring the necks of their precious blessings on occasion.

Maybe you are stuck in the cycle of the "shoulda's." Or maybe you have fallen into the terrible pit of comparison, and you have been spinning your wheels and wringing your hands because you don't feel like you are doing it "right." 

Well, that is just a big, fat lie.

We are all different and unique for a reason. God didn't want a cookie-cutter army of robotic people who march to the same drum beat. If He did, He would have made us all the same. That goes for our gifts and our style and our way of doing everything. Including how we teach our children.

But it is so tempting, whenever you feel less-than, to look up at a certain mom and judge yourself as failing, or to look down at another mom and judge yourself a success. Please stop judging.

When you go there, you forget your first love. We can't judge each other and build each other up at the same time. And it rubs off on our kids in the form of bad attitudes and pressure to perform.

"Let’s not trample what we’ve been given in order to get to what we wish we’d got." 

The biggest thing you learn from homeschooling (if you haven't learned it yet) is that we are always teaching our children something. And the greatest lesson we can teach them is about grace: His amazing grace, grace undeserved; showing grace, giving grace.

And the biggest grace-challenge is to be gracious to ourselves. Because life isn't always fun, and we need grace to get through each day!

{{{Just a little cyber-hug, in case you need it today. }}}

Grace to you, all the home educating mamas (and papas) out there! You are doing a great job!

Do You Ever Lose It With Your Kids?

Of course, I'm not asking anyone to admit in the comment section that they've lost it with their kids.

But, let's be honest—we all do it. And so, I offer you grace, dear homeschooling moms. It is not easy to live 24/7 with your little sinners. And some days you just want to scream. Or have your head checked for ever deciding to homeschool in the first place. 

One of the biggest challenges to homeschooling is being a nice mom. Especially when you have little (or not so little) children giving you grief for having to "do school," even after a holiday week off (that maybe was not a planned week off, but happened because you got sick).

This is a big job we have, teaching our children. Not just because we are educating them in math and science, etc., but because we are trying to instruct them in righteousness. And that means we need to watch our walk.

Because our kids are sponges, and we've all probably seen the lovely poster hanging somewhere (in your own home, maybe?) that tells how kids learn what they live. (No pressure there.)

My dear friend and fellow homeschooling mom told me once that someone is always in emotional control of a situation. When you lose it, you give the control to your kids.

"Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a [homeschooling mom] who has no control over [her] spirit," (Proverbs 25:28 NASB, brackets mine).

Like the cities in biblical times, we need strong walls to protect our emotional state, or our kids will break us down and wear us out. Next thing we know, we are screaming and yelling. And maybe throwing or slamming things. Then the tears come and guilt sets in and everything is a mess.

What makes for strong walls? Time with the Lord. If you are jumping into your school day and not making time to sit with Jesus before you get going, then you are not prepared for your day. Even if things go "as planned," your homeschool journey is more than ticking off the lessons on your daily to-do list.

"The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps," (Proverbs 16:9, NASB).

 This can be an especially difficult time of year, with the busyness of the holidays and the rush to finish first semester lesson plans. But time with the Lord will help us to have balance, and more importantly, to keep our cool.

"She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue," (Proverbs 31:26 NASB).

And remember, even "bad" days with your kids are opportunities for learning (for your kids and you!).


Linking up with others at

Encouragement for Monday

Whether you are new to homeschooling, or a veteran who has graduated some kids from high school already, you probably need encouragement to stand firm.

After the weekend, when the laundry is calling, dishes are in the sink waiting to be washed, and school needs to start but you haven't had your quiet time with Lord yet because you got in bed late the night before because you were out at a church-related function, Mondays can be daunting.

You are not alone.

I love this quote by C.S. Lewis:

"Enemy occupied territory . . . that is what this world is."

When our to-do list or our schedule or our plans start to make us crazy, we need to remember just who our enemy is. Although we may be tempted to think so, it isn't our children.

The devil hates us, we who are made in the image of the God who cast Him out of heaven. And he would like nothing better than for us to take out our frustrations on the sweet blessings that live in our home.

We are in a war, and we can't win if we make it a civil war. We have to know our enemy and his schemes.

Today, if you feel like giving up, or giving in, or running away, I hope this encourages you:

"Therefore we do not lose heart . . . for momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:17-18 NASB).

What we are doing, this raising up of our kids and training them in righteousness, will last far beyond what we now see. May God give us eyes to see beyond "Mt. Washmore"  to the eternal land on the other side.

Homeschooling — Task or Relationship?

When you make the choice to homeschool, life can become overwhelming rather quickly, especially if you enjoy being organized.

On top of being the Domestic Engineer in the house, now you are the Educator-in-Residence, and the demands on your time have possibly more than doubled. What to do?

Some of us who are task oriented—the ones who live by their schedules and to-do lists (and their contentment comes from how much they get done)—will tend to ramp up the output requirements, plowing through curriculum for the sake of getting it done because, after all, we bought it so we should use it, right? 

And then some of us who are relationship oriented will veer off topic if a child asks a question, and we can end up looking at so many different websites or books that it is hard to remember where we started and what the goal was in the first place—but we had fun together, didn’t we?

You can probably see issues with both sides of this coin. All of us, even the ones who struggle with organization, will have to get a grip on our days in some fashion, in order to survive. And all of us, even the ones who thrive on organization, will have to realize we can't do it all and some things will have to slide. And guess what? That is okay!

 “What things should I let go?” some of you may ask. That depends on you and your family.

Maybe you won’t wash the sheets on all the beds every week like you normally do; or maybe you eat breakfast for dinner some days; or maybe (gasp!) you buy your bread instead of making it. Whatever it is, choose something that doesn’t have eternal consequences (like leaving dirty dishes in the sink overnight) and let it slide (so you can read to your kids before bedtime).

The biggest caution I would give is in an area where I struggle—treating your children’s education as another thing to accomplish during the day. This is where those who are task oriented can get bogged down and feel like they are failing their kids, simply because they didn’t finish what was on that day’s lesson plans.

You are not failing your kids! Your are not messing them up! Those are big fat lies from the enemy!

Your kids love you and they want your time and your focused attention. If you are in a rut and you feel like school is a hamster wheel—which is tempting when testing is around the corner—then shake up the routine.

Spend the day reading lots of books to your kids. Do some fun games that teach skills but don’t feel like learning. Make some crafts! If you hate messes, there are many paper crafts that you can do that don’t involve paints or glue. Put on a puppet show so they can act out something they’ve learned recently.

The best way to lean more heavily on the relationship scale is to slow down and spend time with your kids, on their level. Truly enjoy the time we have with them, before they are grown and gone. Thank God for their smiles, their messes, their fits. God has anointed us to help them to see His perspective, and in order to do that, we need to see it first.

A Case of the Shoulda's

We've all had breakfast, I packed my husband's lunch and now he's at work. The washing machine is running with a load of towels, and the dishwasher is full of breakfast (and some last night) dishes. The kids are upstairs getting their chores done, and I should be getting ready for the school day.

But first I want to take a moment to share something with you about that word -- should.


I've had a case of the "shoulda's" lately. You know, the voice in your head that says, "You should be doing this now," or "Your son should be reading better,"  or how about,  "You should be more organized!" (Do you hear it too?)

Webster's New World Dictionary defines the word should as -- obligation or duty; expectation.  Although it's a valid word, I don't think it's one we need to include in our vocabulary.

As moms, and especially homeschooling moms, we get down on ourselves easily. So much rides on our shoulders, and even though we have a competent God who gives us all the grace we need for each day, we still try to do it all ourselves. And then feel bad when we don't accomplish what we think we should.

The after-holidays/pre-testing time can be very stressful. Your so-called failings as a mom and teacher of your children seem to loom large and threaten to squash you. This is time to remember why we are doing what we are doing.

We are moms because God blessed us with our precious children. That is our first calling, to be rightly related to our children (as loving disciplinarians who show them the way to Christ). Our second calling is to the homeschooling lifestyle.

We have the privilege of being the ones to be there when the teachable "life" moments happen, so we can point them to Jesus and the biblical way to handle things, instead of their choices being shaped by peers in a secular, humanistic environment.

When you get down on yourself, remember this -- homeschooling is not an obligation or duty, it's a choice. And we have chosen well! God will bless our efforts, even when we fall short. (That's another opportunity to shine for Jesus, to show our kids that life is not perfect, even when you are serving Christ.)

So take some time today to hug your kids, especially if they are getting on your nerves. Get out a game and play together. Draw or color, read some books. Enjoy your life!

Before you know it, you will be looking back and wondering where the time went. Don't let grief over the shoulda's steal another minute from you!

"So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom," (Psalm 90:12 ESV).

Feeling Overwhelmed?

If you are glad the school year is done, please don't feel guilty. And if someone has told you they are doing school all through summer, please don't feel tempted to copy them.

As we all go down the lane of our homeschooling journey, every family--every teacher-mom--will take a different approach, even if using the same curriculum as someone else. We all have our own personalities and our children have theirs. To try to copy another mom, to exactly (and perfectly) pattern your homeschool adventure after someone else's, is a recipe for disaster (or at least burnout).

Here's a great devotional that I read today. While not specifically about homeschooling, I think each of us can relate to what the author wrote and will be encouraged. Click here to read it.


On another note, the THESIS end-of-year picnic at the DeRoos homestead is coming up on Monday, May 28th (weather permitting). If you are planning to come, please be sure to bring the following:

--chair(s)
--a side dish
--a dessert

If you have any questions, please give Liz a call at 304.657.1354.

Have a great day!

Standing Firm and Letting Go

"Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary," (Galatians 6:9 NASB).

I read a Proverbs 31 devotional for today, which talked about doing things alone, or feeling like you are alone. This part caught my attention:

"I’ve sat in frustration rather than standing firm. I know what weary feels like when it seems my efforts aren’t making a significant difference. I’ve felt cornered rather than like a conqueror."

Sounds like it could be a homeschooling devotional, doesn't it? Have you ever felt this way? I have. I've felt frustrated, and I've given up on days when things just aren't doing according to my plan, especially when the kids are frustrated, too. On days like that, it feels like I'm not making the difference in their lives that I want to make through homeschooling. Then I tend to feel all alone and I assume that everyone else has it all together and they are doing fine.

The truth is, we all struggle. There will always be tough days, even after you've been doing this for many years. But, if we stand firm in our faith, we will see results because the beauty of sowing and reaping is that you reap a huge harvest compared to the volume of seeds that you plant. God promises.

Here's one thing that will help you tremendously--don't compare yourself to others! When you start thinking thoughts like, "I'm not good enough...I don't do enough...I'm not smart enough..." you have to ask yourself: compared to what? Or, better yet, compared to whom? If you are comparing yourself to other people, other homeschooling moms, you are destined to feel inadequate. Just like there are bound to be gaps because no one can cover EVERY subject thoroughly (even public schools), there is no one person who does it all thoroughly and perfectly. There are areas of your housekeeping that need to slide, areas of school that won't be addressed every year. And that's okay!

Today's tip for dealing with perfectionism -- make a chore list for your kids (those old enough to walk) and let them all help you with the house. Just let them do it! If your son or daughter does a hit and miss job of sweeping the carpets every day, that's better than one thorough vacuuming once a week! Plus, they are learning!

Pray and ask God to show you ways in which you can relax your control around the home. The tension of trying to do everything right all the time really does effect your sense of worth. You are not valued based on the amount you can check off your daily to-do list. You are valued because you are a precious child of God made in His image. Let it go!

Perspective

Have you started homeschooling this week? How's that going for you?

It is easy to get out of balance in life, whether it be with your Christian walk, your housekeeping, or homeschooling (to name a few).

Here's something from my friend, Audrey's, blog, which may help you if you are feeling overwhelmed with school already:

Homeschooling is great, but homeschooling didn't save me.

Homeschooling didn't pull me out of the pit of death.

Homeschooling isn't the Rock on which I stand.

Homeschooling doesn't give me a joy that strengthens my limbs.

Homeschooling doesn't mend my wounded heart.

Homeschooling doesn't rescue and redeem and reconcile those around me.

Homeschooling is a good way to live, but homeschooling is not the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

I hope everyone is having a great week, but if you aren't then remember this: Jesus is the center from which all things flow. Bathe everything in prayer, keep your focus on the true source of your strength, and you will be fine. :)

Investment and Reward

The Campbell family is the new owner of a yellow lab puppy, named Daisy. Those of you who have experienced training a dog from early puppy-hood are thinking, "Is she nuts?" I'll answer that question for you: yes. Or, maybe the answer is I'm going nuts. I love to get uninterrupted sleep, and I have not been doing that since Saturday night. I feel nuts when I am fatigued.

I made the comment to my husband the other evening that the investment (in this dog) isn't worth the reward (Kyla's joy, well-trained dog later). He didn't respond to that comment, although scriptures about dripping faucets were going through my mind.

As much as I hate to admit it, this puppy is good for our family. I've replayed that comment that I made over and over again in my mind. And, what a selfish comment it is. Nothing that takes time, effort, blood, sweat, tears--and steals your sleep--seems like it is going to be worth it at the time, whatever the ultimate goal. When your flesh wants its own way, it dearly hates to be inconvenienced.

Homeschooling is one of those things that can cause you to think, on occasion, "Is the investment really worth the reward?" Or maybe, "Will the reward be worth the investment?" This is especially true when you are going over the same math concept for the umpteenth time, or struggling to plan lessons for science and history for all your kids collectively to save time so you won't have to clone yourself to get things done during the day. It basically boils down to your sinful flesh screaming about inconvenience. Your "life" isn't going the way you planned.

Maybe you never saw yourself as a homeschooler (I never saw myself as a mother, let alone a homeschooling mom), so the endless days of required patience that is needed to diligently instruct your child(ren) in the ways of the Lord, while interweaving reading, writing, math, science and social studies, can make you want to scream, "Is this really worth it?"

Regardless of the outcome of your child--who from said child's behavior, you know has a free will and can choose to go their own way instead of God's--the investment is worth the reward.

All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness," (Hebrews 12:11 NASB).

God has set before us an incredible task: Not just to care for and train our children, ever pointing them in His direction, but for us to grow more Christ-like as He sanctifies us through daily living the life He has called us to live, saturated with His grace.

When your children are with you 24/7, the opportunities for life-lessons abound. I have a huge one before me right now--a lesson in patient endurance, with the goal being not to whine about the road on the way. God is showing me more each day how He is shaping me into the image of Christ through homeschooling my children.

Some days will be harder than others, but all of them count toward the ultimate goal of running the race and getting to the end. Keep your eyes on Jesus as you start the new year, and you will do great!

On Socialization

Even if you haven't officially started homeschooling yet, just mentioning that you are considering it (let alone have made the decision to do it) can bring a standard response from people. The first thing you will hear is, "What about socialization?"

My dear friend from high school called me yesterday, and I hadn't talked with her for months. We were trying to quickly catch up so I could finish getting dinner ready, and the conversation included what was in store for our coming school year. When I mentioned our co-op, and the potential class sizes (21+ in my middle school class alone!), she responded by saying, "Can you do that? I mean, isn't the whole point of homeschooling to avoid that kind of environment?"

I say this to show you one thing -- you have nothing to "prove" to anyone in relation to your decision to homeschool. People will believe things about homeschoolers no matter how you seek to enlighten them. If you don't do things with others, you are weird. If you are doing things as a group, it is still weird.

The definition of socialize is:

"To make fit for living in a group; to subject to governmental ownership or control."

Those who say homeschoolers aren't socialized just mean that they are different, i.e., they don't have a herd mentality, following the "in" crowd (and driving you nuts about having all the latest fashions and tech-toys). And they are usually able to have an intelligent conversation with people of all ages, not just their peers.

Do not allow comments about a lack of socialization scare you! Your children will be fine as they grow up in your home as lovers of learning, self-confident that God has an amazing purpose for their life that He will equip them to accomplish.

Imperfect Homeschooling

The featured book for this month is, "The Imperfect Homeschooler's Guide to Homeschooling," by Barbara Frank.

I don't have my copy of this book at hand because I loaned it out to someone, so I can't post any quotes of her wisdom. But I will tell you that Barbara Frank is a 20-year homeschooling veteran, and her wonderful book is full of practical and sanity-saving suggestions for running your homeschool.

If you are feeling overwhelmed with the thought of "doing it all" and perfectly, this is definitely the book for you. I had a "moment" a couple of years ago, and I know that God lead me to read this book. I highly recommend it, especially if you struggle with wanting to "do it right" and you are worried about not doing enough.

Proposed Class Schedule & More

I hope that everyone is wringing out every last drop of summer from the days that we have left because before we know it, fall will be upon us. Although it wasn't quite as cool as a true fall day, it felt like fall as I sat out in my garage-porch listening to the rain showers this morning. I do love fall, so I'm not sad about the heat passing. I will, however, sorely miss my garden veggies!

If you haven't already taken a look, our proposed class schedule is available now under the "Class Schedule" tab at the top of this blog. We are excited about the new classes, and the new format for this year. Hopefully, things will move along smoothly and the weather won't interfere much with our schedule. I once heard that the water table has to be at a certain level for the year, meaning that a great deal of rain in spring and summer means little snowfall in winter. We shall see!

I also want to remind everyone that registration is fast approaching, and with it will be our first (annual?) used curriculum sale. Tuesday, August 23rd, we will have open registration and a curriculum sale from 1-4. You can come when you like, leave when you like. Just be sure to RSVP to Liz DeRoos (304.534.5822), if you plan to sell something, so we can reserve a table for you. You don't have to stay the whole time, but if you are selling, make sure that you come back to pick up your money and any unsold items!

Speaking of curriculum, maybe you are struggling to get your lessons planned, or just to wrap your mind around this great responsibility of educating your children. THESIS, being a faith-based group, believes that God is the center from whom all things flow. Here are some thoughts, based on that philosophy:

• Science -- God created the world and all the amazing things in it
  
• Math -- things work in an orderly fashion because God designed them that way
  
• History -- history is all about God sending Jesus to redeem us, and His master plan
  
• Language Arts -- the great commission is to tell others about Jesus, and writing and reading help us to do that well (always be prepared to give an answer for the faith you profess)
  
• Literature -- reading about the lives of others helps us to see God's power at work
  
• Economics -- we are called to be good stewards
• Government -- governments and rulers are in place because God put them there (so we should be praying for our president, whether or not we like him!)
• Arts -- God has given us different ways to express worship to Him, through music, art, dance, etc.
  
• Health -- God's plan for our health, both physically and spiritually
  

Life Schooling

"In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus,"

(1 Thessalonians 5:18).

One of the great things about homeschooling is the opportunity to capture so many teaching moments--those times when life experiences are the best teachers. Think of it as the difference between "theory" and "practice." Things will often seem easy to implement "in theory" but are actually much harder when put into practice. Thus the beauty of all-day, hands-on teaching of our children.

Such a teaching moment manifested for us Saturday evening when a pickup truck plowed into the back of our van. We were stopped while waiting for the car two ahead of us to make a left turn. The truck came flying up behind us and hit us hard enough to open the inside cover of our moon roof and knock both side mirrors out of alignment.

I was driving because my husband had just finished working, and the kids and I decided to go to Lowe's with him since we hadn't seen him all day. We were all tired, and hot, and obviously having a car accident wasn't in our plans.

When the truck hit us, Sara (who was in the third-row passenger seat, where the impact was) immediately burst into tears and said, "Ow, my back hurts!" That obviously scared me.

Our children, as always, were watching us. How did we handle this? What words did we say, what actions did they see? What were we more concerned about--our safety or the condition of the car? I think we did a good job responding in a Christ-like manner. My husband's first words to the driver of the car that hit us were, "Are you okay?" I was (am) proud of him.

God tells us to give thanks for everything. I just finished reading Corrie Ten Boom's story, The Hiding Place, to my children. She inspired me by going through the depravity of the Nazi death camp that she was in, yet still being thankful to God for everything-- even the fleas in her barracks.

Homeschooling is often an imperfect mess. We are human, and we will fail as we attempt to teach things to our children. There will be gaps (just like in the public education system!), there will be tough subjects to teach, tough days to get through. But, if we remember to always thank God for every day, and each moment--no matter how stressful or inconvenient--we will teach our children about God's Sovereignty, which is more imporant than anything they'll ever learn from a textbook.

Curriculum Chaos

Anyone who has seen the Rainbow Resource catalog -- a full two inches thick -- knows how overwhelming the curriculum choices can be to homeschoolers. There are literature-based curricula, unit-studies, classical method and scripted curricula, to name a few. And you may ask, "Who is Charlotte Mason and what is a living book?"

All homeschoolers, even the seasoned ones, have curriculum quandaries at times. If you are new to homeschooling, the endless sea of materials and styles can be bewildering. With that in mind, click here for a website that can help you peruse some of your options.

More importantly, THESIS is a support group, and we want to support our homeschooling families by helping each other with this all-important decision--what and how to teach our children.

Future posts will address some basic styles of curriculum, and cover different teaching approaches. If you have any questions or concerns about something, feel free to comment and we'll do our best to get you an answer promptly!

Blessings,
Selena